I love my job - love it, love it, love it. But I'm learning that loving my job and trying to do my best at it means doing less of the other things I love (at least for right now). For example, sleep. I love sleeping. But between being at school for roughly ten hours, spending almost three hours in the car getting to school and back, and planning/grading at home, my sleep time during the week is definitely taking a hit. I'm doing a pretty good job of making up for it on the weekends, though. At 6:30 yesterday, I started taking what was meant to be an hour-long nap, and woke up a little while ago at 7:30am. Not exactly the most exciting Friday night, but I've pretty much accepted that my social life is going to have to wait until next summer.
In addition to losing time sleeping, there are a ton of other things I haven't been spending time doing. I haven't had a real conversation with Kevin since last weekend. If we're both at home, I'm usually lesson planning, grading, or sleeping. I feel like I've barely talked to anyone in my family or my friends. I went out and bought some dry shampoo because some days I'm too tired even to shower. Basically, sometimes I feel like I've turned into a gross, sleepy hermit. I know that's not necessarily the case, and I'm sure it'll get better as I get better at time management and lesson planning, but at least for right now, some days really kick my butt.
Going back to that first sentence though, I really do love my job. I'm learning so much, I feel like my students are learning a lot, and I love forming relationships with my new coworkers and students. Something I've learned about students: they can be hormonal, moody, whiny rageballs one moment and then become the nicest, funniest, most interesting young adults the next moment. If I was this way when I was a teenager (which I probably was), I apologize to my parents and former teachers...and pretty much anyone who had to be around me when I was a rageball. Even though I spent most of last year around teens, I wasn't the only one in the classroom dealing with their attitudes and emotions. I could take a few minutes away if I needed to. This year, it's all on me (while they're in my classroom) and there's no escape...
The German teacher I'm replacing was very popular - with the staff and the students. I've lost count of how many times I've met someone and after I tell them what I'll be teaching and they say "Oh! You're the new Frau Schultz!" As tempting it is to say, "No, I'm the new me, thank you very much," I've managed to hold my tongue. Some people have even assumed that I'm going to be taking over the extra curriculars that Frau Schultz used to lead - like staff yoga. I have never done yoga in my life. Frau Schultz was/is undoubtedly a wonderful teacher. She did the MAC Program at UM also, so of course, she has to be a great teacher. I have no hard feelings against her - I've met her and I know she's full of wonderful ideas. I'm sure she's already a rockstar at her new job. However, it has been difficult at times dealing with the aftermath of her decision to leave LCN. Many of her students (who are now my students) were very loyal to her and were just plain mad that she left. I've heard reports from some of the other teachers of students during the summer saying that the new German teacher was terrible...from before the job was even posted, and long before I was interviewed and hired. This hasn't been a problem at all in my German 1 classes, because most of the kids are freshmen who never knew Frau Schultz. I've already heard from quite a few of my German 1 students that German is their favorite class or that they really like me as a teacher - and there is no way to describe how warm and fuzzy those comments make me feel. On the other hand, my German 3 classes have been as difficult as my German 1 classes have been wonderful. The German 3 students had Frau Schultz for two years. They are very used to her way of doing things, and have a definite idea of how their class should run. Unfortunately, their idea hasn't exactly matched mine, and that's led to some friction.
There have been multiple outbursts from the students when I introduce a new way of doing things - from how I want them to organize their binders, to the fact I expect them to take notes when we learn grammar, to the fact we won't be playing a game every day, to the way I grade their quizzes. I've tried to hold my ground, and I keep telling myself that this is my classroom and I do know what I'm doing - but it's hard to be confident and excited about your new job when thirty moody rageballs are arguing with you and mad at you, simply for the fact that you're not their old teacher. The first week and a half were particularly rough, but now we're done with the third week. Many of my students are starting to transform from rageballs to nice young adults, and some have even been positive about the new things we're doing in class. I'm still adjusting and they're still adjusting, but I can feel it getting better. I did have one student who seemed like he would never, ever come around. We'll call him Frank (not his real name or German class name)...
From the first day of school Frank did not like me...at all. I would say "Hallo, Frank", and he would walk past me - no response, no smile, just angry. For the first assignment, an all-about-me presentation auf Deutsch, Frank was livid that I didn't give him 100%. He still got an A, but got a few points off for what I felt were legitimate reasons (like saying "ummm" more than actually talking about himself). He stormed into my classroom after seeing his grade and demanded an explanation, which he didn't accept after I gave to him. In class, Frank would slouch in his desk and make miserable faces. He would roll his eyes and refuse to answer questions. One time, when I was giving instructions, he blurted out "This is ridiculous." One time, he banged on the wall to try and make me think there was someone at the door...and some of his classmates joined in the prank. Frank was not happy to be in class, and he was not afraid to show it. I tried speaking with him a few times privately, and called him out in class a few times, but it didn't seem like anything was working. Frank's class quickly became my least favorite - even with his negative attitude, Frank is a leader in class. His classmates listen to him, and some of them mirror his mood and behavior. I knew I had to do something about Frank - some days I honestly wished he would just drop my class. Personally, I really dislike sending kids out into the hall or writing them up, but it seemed that I would have to use one of those options with Frank. Almost every interaction I'd had with Frank was confrontational, and he was avoiding speaking with me one-on-one. But then, yesterday, something magical happened...
During my first hour (not Frank's class), Frank rushed in frantically. He explained that he really needed to use a computer to finish a paper due the next hour, and that his sub would not let him use the computer in that room or let him go to the library. Frank was in my room to ask if he could use my computer. (Fyi, I really have no problem allowing kids to use my computer - I just sign off my teacher account and they sign on with their account) This was my opportunity to have a private, non-confrontational chat with Frank. I told him that I would allow him to use my computer, as long as he agreed to come to my class with a better attitude, and I told him what that entailed. He quickly agreed - he really wanted to use that computer, I guess. I told him that I was really going to hold him to it, and he agreed again. When Frank came in with his class, he was a different person. He was excited to be there, and fully participated in the activities we were doing. He even chastised some of his classmates when they started to complain. I'm not sure how sustainable this change in Frank is, but yesterday was wonderful. It was such a "win! yay!" moment for me, and I really hope that things go more smoothly with Frank in the future.
Last year, my methods professor (one of the smartest and most amazing people I know) said something that I've been thinking about a lot recently. She said that teenagers are "apprentice human beings". Teenagers change so much and sometimes so quickly, and I think that's something really cool to watch. I mean, I don't think I'm done growing up yet, but kids grow up a lot during those four years in high school. They're learning to become adults and they're figuring out who they're going to be. My experience with Frank showed how quickly teens can make decisions to change their attitudes and their behavior. One of my challenges as a teacher is going to be allowing those kids to change, particularly in my perceptions of them. Just because one kid is a rageball one day, doesn't mean they're always going to be - and I need to remember that so I keep an open mind who my students really are, and who they're becoming. That makes it easier to not take their rageball attacks personally - they are, after all, apprentice human beings.
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